The Darkness Hates When The Light Exposes It

The truth is all the more important when speaking out results in attacks; it’s a sign you’re on exactly the right track. The darkness hates when the light exposes it.

The last thing an abuser wants is for their victim(s) to speak out about their behaviours.

When this abuse happens within the narcissistic family, it’s not just the narcissistic parent who doesn’t want the victim to speak out – the children who become the parent’s enablers and protectors also make that their goal.

It seems pretty backwards that children who grew up in the same abuse (or at the very least, watched it happen to others in the family) would protect the very person responsible for that abuse. But, as we know, narcissists are experts at grooming those around them to cater to and protect them in every way.  Often, the entire family will protect the narcissist and enable them to continue to abuse; certain children will even become perpetrators of the abuse as well. It’s one of the sickest family trees out there.

I recently received a comment on a post from a sibling who commented with a fake name. (Mistake 1: Underestimating the detective skills of the scapegoat. 😉)

Here is what “Steve” had to say.

This is textbook narcissistic family dynamics.

It is very common for emotional abusers to gaslight those they abuse by minimizing the abuse – they reduce it down to a “pity party”, and/or accuse you of being self-centred.

And if you haven’t yet been able to get out of the abuse, you might even believe those words.

I did for years. “You’re too sensitive, get over it.” “That never happened.” “Mom didn’t mean that, she’s just getting old.”  “You’re all about yourself.”

This is a prime example of the kind of emotional manipulation that the narcissistic family feeds off of, and how they attempt to silence the victim and keep them under their thumb.

If you’ve experienced this – let me tell you: WHEN YOU OPEN UP ABOUT THE ABUSE, IT IS NOT A PITY PARTY.

The “pity party” card is a common one used by abusers and their enablers.  Don’t fall for it. I don’t anymore.

There is no pity involved in escaping an abusive relationship or system. There is no pity involved in opening up about the abuse.

Petty accusations are simply a tool used by someone who feels threatened; if they can’t shut you up, at least they can try to insult you, right? They can try to dismiss your words and try to make you question yourself. They can try to spin you in a negative light so others question your experience too. They can try to intimidate you into shutting your mouth.

But we know better.

The truth is all the more important when speaking out results in attacks; it’s a sign you’re on exactly the right track. The darkness hates when the light exposes it.

And the “Steves” will always be there.  Forgive, give grace (because most of them are still bound up by the lies and abuse), and move on.  But don’t let them squash you.

So keep at it, light shiners. This world needs you. ☀️

8 thoughts on “The Darkness Hates When The Light Exposes It

  1. empower4her July 10, 2018 / 8:01 AM

    Great detective skills!!😉 The saddest reality is some people shy away from harsh truths. If the truth about abuse especially within a family is avoided, then the abuse will continue. I grew up in that type of environment.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EmpowerTheDaughters July 10, 2018 / 1:13 PM

      Sorry to hear you also grew up in this. And you’re right – the pile under the rug gets pretty big, and then spills out to everyone. Unless you deal with it. I think what prevents them from doing it is just fear – it’s scary to dive into those things. And when they see us do it, it makes them feel convicted about doing the same? That’s my guess, anyways. Thanks for coming by! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • empower4her July 15, 2018 / 10:11 PM

        You are right! Fear can be debillatating. I enjoy reading your blogs.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Reclaimed My Georgiana August 31, 2018 / 4:38 PM

    Sarah.. Whoever you are and where ever you, you mean the world to me. I confronted my adoptive parents yesterday about the abuse. They yelled at me saying “why do you think you need therapy, everyone has issues” “those were jokes” “you need to get over it” “you should be apologizing to us for hurting us this way”. Seeing your blog is the light at the end of the tunnel. These past few days have been tumultuous. I said earlier this week “there is no light at the end of the tunnel, this is impossible to heal from”. Cause it really hurts. Seeing all of your blog posts and being able to relate more than I’ve ever related with ANYTHING before in this world might have given me a purpose? Thank you. Thank you.


    • Sarah September 1, 2018 / 8:12 AM

      Oh wow. Your words made me cry. You are NOT alone and there is hope. You are not what was done to you. You don’t deserve it, especially when you were adopted by people who stood up and said they would be better parents for you. It’s sick and twisted. I am so sorry it’s been so hard. When I started to speak up and push back was when things got realllllly bad. So I understand. Thanks for your comment. Your words were some of the most powerful I’ve heard in a long time and they remind me why I do this. Thank you, my sister-in-arms. When things look the worst is actually when they’re starting to look better.


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