To the Unmothered – On Mother’s Day

To all of you who are not only mothers, but who have had to mother yourselves along your journey – this one’s for you.
It is completely out of the natural order of things to raise babies while you raise yourself; to parent your inner child while you parent your own children. It is unnatural to enter into adulthood or motherhood with more harm than help. But yet, many of us do it everyday.
It’s damn hard. And anyone who does it is a resilient badass.
So today I hold space for my people who have lost mothers to adoption, for those who had abusive mothers who did more harm than good, and for those who experienced both of those. That includes me, and I’ve learned that holding space for myself, giving myself compassion, and being proud of myself is imperative.
Two years ago I shared a similar Facebook status on Mother’s Day, simply acknowledging my lack of Hallmark relationship with my adoptive mother and how that loss affected me, and to let other women know they are not alone if they can relate in any way. Two of my adoptive brothers demanded I not speak on this subject to people. One told me he would never have relationship with me if I did it again.
But you see, I never felt comfortable living in the dark. It’s not until you step into the light that you see you’re not alone. So I’d rather live in the light with my disruptive truth telling, surrounded by other truth-tellers, than alone in the dark believing I’m the problem and living in fear of speaking up.
So, unmothered ones – thanks for living in the light with me. You are brave, you are seen, and you inspire me.

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